Clearing my head

I have never been much of a writer.... a talker... yes!!! but write? Naaaaaaa... That's why I am wondering why I decided to do this... There's one thing to have a voice.. it's another to have the fingers to write....or the words to be written...

I have so so much to say....but very little will or patience to write it all. So much has happened these past weeks that I need to get off my chest and out of my head...but I'll rather talk about it than sit and write.

I took the day off today because I have been running on caffeine these past weeks. I really wanted to go home but I need travel permission and insurance to go back to my country and home. Crazy... So I decided to stay put... In any case I'll have to pay for a ticket to fly back and spend over 12 hours flying back and forth. Didn't make economic sense to spend that money to just hang out at home for 48hrs.

I have been a little antsy...a combination of work and my emotional state. Work I can talk about.. but my emotional state, I'll rather not get into because it is a long story...

I have had so so much to do that sometimes I wish I was an octopus... that way I can have 4 pairs of hands doing all the stuff that my brain wants to do... But with 4 pairs of hands, won't I have to double or quadruple the processing speed and power of my brain? So I have been trying my best to juggle all the stuff thrown my way. I have no clue how I ended up getting stuck with the workload that I have.... I think that comes from being a busybody... I haven't quite been able to learn the delicate art of dodging work.. I walk in with both legs and keep seeing things that require improvements.

So I have been juggling bits and pieces of different things that individually on face value, add no value...but a whole is the core and essence of the value my role brings to any organisation... improving team and organisation effectiveness... Big words that mean nothing... But those bits and pieces are emotionally tasking...trying to get people to have a vision of the future, personally and as a team... Getting people to collaborate... helping teams to see what they can achieve if only they see the bigger picture and locate themselves in it... It is emotionally draining...and very uplifting when they get it...

The past few weeks have been a real roller coaster of emotions for me... I have tried to be patient and helpful... providing support for my team and other teams... teaching, coaching, listening, probing, writing, thinking, reading... I have learnt some patience... dispensed humor, done Powerpoint slides like crazy... I have done just about everything...

So this week I decided I was on my last litre of sanity and need a break...before I turn into a local witch and start behaving like a tokoloshe... Since I did not want to be cast out into swines like the demons in the bible, I decided to remove myself from the offioce for a day to recharge... Did I get the rest? whoside!!! (like my people will say)... I slept till 9.30am...and only woke up because there was a call... it wasn't my call and the lady apologised nicely... I settled down again to sleep for another hour or so, when my boss called...asking for some information... that knocked the sleep out of my system... then I turned on the television to watch Big Brother Africa...and got irritated listening to all their yakking... As a HR professional, I am worried that the 12 housemates represent some of the talent that we have either hired in our organisations or probably will hire... I am also worried that we have a generation of people who cannot hold meaningful conversations or communicate clearly... What's with all the jargons and stupid accents and vocabulary that means absolutely nothing... Most times I have no clue what they are saying... I have concluded that I am old school and come from a different generation...made even more obvious by the rapid rate at which I am losing my hair colour...(a different story for the day I have the strength to write)... anyway I digress

So I turned off the television and decided I might as well start my day...fully... I remembered I had made a careless promise of taking a friend to a salon to get her hair done...and also lock my hair. I had very long hair as at May this year... and just decided to cut the hair real low and wear it naturally for a while... It was fine for a while until I couldn't get a comb through it without wincing.... I had reached the point where I was comtemplating not combing it anylonger.. I knew it was time either to process it again (very unappealing) or lock it... So I did today... but that took about 4 hours... the process of locking it took about 90minutes..but the wait for Harold the hair stylist just reminded why I took the decision to cut my hair... So we were at the salon till 4pm... then dropped off my friend and her baby.... made another hasty promise to take her mum shopping tomorrow... well Thabo willl... My best friend's husband came in today and we went 'shopping' very briefly... and had dinner.... If you know me, I am a shopaholic... Retail therapy works for me... both ways... me buying or me selling...

So here I am... tired...but a little unstressed... Didn't have to think about any structures or plan or objective or meeting or papers to write to anyone or for anyone... Didn't have to grin and bear it today... sitting on my desk and being nice... rambling away with a smile when I want to do is shake whoever it and yell in their ear... leave me alone!

Todays' gone... there's still tomorrow and Sunday to get my life back together before the rat race begins again on Monday...

I must sound like I am rambling...but I needed to get this off my chest and clear my head to get ready for a new day... Now I feel just a tad lighter and can sleep easier.