Counting days till Friday

I am counting down till Friday... It's Tuesday...then Wednesday...Thursday and Friday... One, two and three more sleeps and it will be Friday

I'll let on why I counting the sleep days till Friday... It is decision day... to be or not to be... On Sunday, he said that Wednesday will define the opportunities... Today he says he won't know till Friday... but I am patient... I will wait and hear what Friday brings...

I am undecided how I should feel... One part of me wants to hear it is possible...the other part of dreads the possibility... what will I do...because it is a little awkward...a little strange... I like my VS...very much... much more than I can ever let on... I am comfortable with the strange friendship we have and prefer to keep it that way.... the compulsive helper part of me wants to look after him, the sane side of me wants to keep it safe...as safe as sane can be... the dangerous part of me wants to explore possibilities...and the safe part of me wants to keep it even and let it be...

He says Friday will decide if he can come soon... I am happy he is thinking about it...and all excited about showing him my favourite places in Jozi...my cosy little coffee shops... my favourite bookstore...find new smoothies and cocktail recipes and make them with him...talk a lot more than we have in nearly 1 year... share parts of my life we haven't explored previously... hear the stories he hasn't shared and refuses to discuss on the phone...

I like my VS...but I fear that this will make or break the fragile friendship we have built over the months...that has taken a lot on his part... and mine too... I fear that one word, one gesture, one move...may send us spiralling on the wrong path or send us on two different paths... I like my VS...but I am not willing to lose what we have...

So I am counting down to Friday but I also fear what the possibilities may be... A Yes will send me in panic...No will make me sad... But I am still counting all the same...