Funny how the best intentions get shelved... How you know something's not good for you and you still insist on it... I have always known...don't need a soothsayer to tell me that this isn't good for my health...but .... my ears have suddenly stopped receiving signals... my head's stopped processing...
One minute we are up... the other minute we are down... wondering, asking, waiting.... Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let my pulse go up and down...why do I let it happen to me? I don't know... I stopped wondering...because I don't just get it...
I have always been the smart one... always figured things out...always analysed it...and let it all come together... But I am stumped on this...
What do I want? I don't know... or rather I don't want to share or be honest to myself... Saying it, puts it in black and white and makes it real... that way I can't walk away from it and shrug it off... will make me look stupid.. but I am already stupid..why bother how I look...
Rambling I am...but can't help it... trying to clear my head after tonight's conversation..but I am not succeeding... Maybe I shouldn't bother... because at the end of the day... claering my head, doesn't clear my heart or does it? Who knows...
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